*Blessings*

Life. So full of change, of growing, struggling, of reaching toward God.

The last months have dredged up so much of my past. The parts that still hurt the most. The parts that some days I about cannot bear the pain. But those months have also brought so much *healing*. God brought the healing. He showed me His LOVE for me as HIS DAUGHTER! Its been a beautiful (though intensely painful) process.

Because of circumstances, today I knew that no matter what, I needed time alone. Away from relating with so many people, away from trying to keep that strong front, time to spend with GOD. Those circumstances were beyond my control but God had it all planned before I ever came out here. There were times I thought I would just break apart and float away piece by piece or have a serious meltdown in a very bad time and place. See, last night was my last night on night-duty - I worked over 2 weeks with no break/day off. Talk about intense! And when one is on night-duty (at least I'm like this), one sleeps, goes to the evening activity, work - repeat... Day after day after day. And to have very little extra time is very wearing, esp if one does not take time to bask in God's presence every day - like me.
For a while I had been feeling very out of touch with God etc and I was [to be honest] rather distressed because I went through a season right before this where I felt His presence like crazy - like more than I have ever in my life. So I hit this rough patch at work feeling starved for God. Bottom line - not a good thing AT ALL!!!!

So today - my first day off for a while. I went shopping *by myself*. An amazing time indeed. On the way back stopped at a coffee shop and journalled for a bit and God led me to write down my blessings... Today was my day of Thanksgiving. Praising God that He got me through, praising Him for all the *tidbits* of happiness he brought my way.

Thanking Him for...
*A lady thanking me for a drink of water after an especially rough night of her not being able to sleep wanting to go in and out of bed constantly - every 5 minutes or so either pulling her alarm or using her call light

*That I don't have enough money to buy a $1,400 purse... True story - today I went into Coach (at the mall)  just for the dumb of it, actually to see how expensive their purses are :P so I went through the story flipping all the price tags and trying not to allow my mouth to drop open (mennonite girl meets Coach and its extravagance) So that was the most expensive one I could find...

*God for providing for me financially... I had this bill that I wasn't sure went to pay off cuz I just didn't feel like I could and low and behold the other day I found an envelope with some cash and a check large enough to cover the bill and then some :D God had this one planned out before I came too *so amazing*

*Being done with night-duty and getting my life back

*The chance to go home (Tomorrow can't come soon enough)!!!

*That even in those moments of loneliness, that God is still there - even when I can't feel or hear Him

*A day off

*Alone time

*The intense struggles that God has brought me through - I'm stronger because of it and He has done so much I can't even get started!

*Situations (recently) where the words and actions coming from me weren't my own because God's grace came through in my weakness - literally! When all I wanted to do was get extremely frustrated and say all kinds of nasty things in reaction to the pain/frustration - God gave me the grace to let Him work through me. (don't think I've ever had this happen to me where I was in the middle of the situation and knowing that what was coming from my mouth was not of me - but God) Praise Him!

*Security in knowing that God has a plan for my life. All I need to do is rest in HIM! Worry doesn't accomplish anything!
Quote: There is a reason I am not writing the story (of my life) and God is. He knows how it all works out, where it all leads, what it all means.

May God bless you all with an amazing week filled with God's grace!
May you be able to live each day counting your blessings!

Until next time...